I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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