Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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