every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
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just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
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I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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