im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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