How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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