If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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