you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
