I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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