I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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