It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
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after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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