As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
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"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
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I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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