what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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