This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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