Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
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Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
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Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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