Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
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First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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