were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize