i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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