after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
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I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
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I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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