she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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