Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
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Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
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Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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