Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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