No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize