this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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