I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
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