My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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