I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
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If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
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I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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