so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize