I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
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Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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