i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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