is your mom at the bar?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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