not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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