have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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