Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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