the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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