I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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