O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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