I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
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Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
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I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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