Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
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Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
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Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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