he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
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Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
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Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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