and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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