Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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