Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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