i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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