I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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