8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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