I think scott just propositioned me for sex
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize