hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize