sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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