i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
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Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
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When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I wear drunk well.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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