1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i wish my penis had a tongue
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
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We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
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My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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