I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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